Societal Collapse

I Say This With Love

Dear Mr. Schilling:

I think that I can safely speak my mind for all members of Red Sox Nation when I say thank you from the bottom of our hearts for doing all that you did to help the Sox win a world series. I also think that I can safely speak for all of us when I say SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!!!! Keep your mouth closed, keep your grill off of my television when it comes to discussing what other teams say and how other managers manage, get yourself healthy & off of the DL and play baseball! Outside of that, stop talking already!

Love,

Eddie Z

Who IS this guy!?

If some one were to ask you whom, after 19 regular season games, would be hitting .364, have a major league leading (not to mention career SEASON high) seven home runs (Tied with the likes of David Ortiz & Paul Konerko), be second in the majors with 20 RBI (behind only teammate Miggy Tejada) and be tied for third in stolen bases, would the name Brian Roberts even have come into your head!? I know it wouldn't have entered my thoughts. I might have thought Derek Jeter was havin a strong power start or that A-rod was finally playing like A-rod is supposed to. I might have thought that Johnny Damon surprised everyone by coming back with the same power with which he hit last season or that Ichiro had decided to try to hit for power. Maybe I would have even had thoughts that Carlos Beltran was showing just how worth the money the Mets spent on him that he is. (This is not to say that he isn't, just making a point) Never in a thousand guesses though, would I have guessed Brian Roberts.

Not since Brady "90210" Anderson & his Brandon Walsh hair cut has Baltimore seen such productivity from its lead off man. But, one season after crushing 50 bombs from the lead off spot, Brady began to fall apart. He had many of the symptoms suffered by known & alleged steroid abusers too. Oh, did I mention that he put on a butt load of weight over that previous off season to his home run parade? At any rate, I don't see this as the case with Roberts.

Roberts has put on some weight since last year but nothing that is remarkable. Standing at 5'9" & 178lbs, B-Rob (as those of us lucky enough to be his friend call him) is a pretty standard sized guy for an athlete. He still has full flexibility (right Rey Ordonez?) and he can still run like the wind & play defense like a mother! So what has changed? According to his hitting coach, nothing but selection & opportunity has changed.

For the last couple of season Roberts has had to contend for playing time with his good friend Jerry Hairston Jr. During this past off-season though, Hairston became part of a trade with the Cubbies that brought Sammy Sosa (probably minus most of his needles & pills) to the O's. Brian Roberts saw his opportunity to become a full time player, started to be more selective about his pitches & the result has been this amazing start. Now I don't expect B-Rob to hit 50 taters. Hell, HE doesn't even expect himself to continue with the power surge. I certainly don't expect his OPS to stay at 1.183! That is just ridiculous! Still, Roberts has always been a productive player. He has gotten on base with fair regularity over the last couple of years despite having always had to look over his shoulder and worry about making mistakes because of Hairston being there. He stole 29 bags last season which, in todays majors, is nothing to sneeze at. He also drove in 53 runs last season.

This is a different season though. Brian Roberts is relaxed. He knows that he is the every day second baseman. He knows that teams are going to continue to pitch to him too because 2-5 in that line-up (Melvin Mora, Miguel Tejada, Sammy Sosa & Raffy Palmero *Don't worry, his pills are ok!*) are a pretty murderous bunch to face as an opposing pitcher. As long as he continues to go out & just play baseball, as long as he avoids trying to do too much, as long as he doesn't start going to the plate LOOKING to hit a home run, he is going to have a great season. I don't think that he will stay on THIS pace, but a .330 season with somewhere in the range of 20 HRs,  70 RBI & 35 stolen bags is not unrealistic. Brian Roberts, welcome to stardom!

New Pope, Same Problem

This post waited for the period of mourning to end. Out of common decency not out of fawning respect for the late pope. While John Paul II was a revered person, he had his own flaws, mostly institutional. And the funny thing is that now there is a new pope, many people are happy he is a doctrinal conservative. Not only Catholics but other Christian denominations, because the Catholics are steadfast in their positions. These people along with Pope were crying out about the Terry Schaivo case. But the pope and the rest of these conservative "theologians" are missing the fact that by not allowing any birth control, they are spreading AIDS in Africa. Catholics are not allowed to use birth control even if it means spreading a disease as deadly as AIDS. Where are the hue and cry for these people and for this issue? An immediate response will be, "Those people should abstain from sex." That is true, but when was the last time you abstained.

McCarthyism Strikes the Collapse

Ladies and gentlemen!  No wait, not enough people read us for that greeting.

Friends and family!  Nope, again, I don't have any friends and my family hates me.

Mom, look someone new is writing for the website!

Let's all give Heather McCarthy, Princess of Pop Culture, a big round of applause.  I figured on adding her for a couple reasons.  One: her responses in some cases have been better than the articles.  Her wit and sarcasm are outstanding and would serve a far better purpose in column form than comment form.  Two: she claimed to feel like an intruder commenting.  Three: Eddie and I are having trouble carrying the site (more Eddie than me even, but I'm gunna start blowing up with posts after May 3rd.)  Four: The ACLU told me to hire a minority, be it ethnic or female or they would shut me down.

Let's all give Heather a big warm welcome and hope she loves it just as much as we love, ya know.  Ya know? 

Where in the World is Bob Hegney?

You know, kind of like "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" except Bob is a real person.

Seriously though, where is Bob?  We miss you Bob.  Come back soon!

Facebook This Bitches!

OK, so I work in "higher education" with the national staff of a national fraternity (read higher education however you wish to),  I have been to about 25 different college campuses in the course of the past eight and a half months and I have seen the rise of the new internet hobby.  The new crack, the new AIM.  It is called "THE FACEBOOK" and it's existence borders on unholy.

More and more computers have dragged individuals further and further away from actual human contact.  First was the chat rooms, then AIM became a craze (one that I was sadly sucked into), and now this Facebook thing.  It has taken meeting people to a whole new level of laziness. 

You don't actually make friends, you list individuals in your "Buddy List".  Everything is virtual.  You don't even have to post your own picture for goodness sake. 

Sure you get to meet loads of people who have a common interest, but seriously, of all the people that I have seen who have Facebook accounts, they all belong to close to 10 groups at a minimum and when they go through their buddies, they are usually going on about how they never talk to anyone, but it's always cool just to collect friends. 

We are powerless to stop The Facebook.  The best we can do is pray and hope that it evnetually crashes into itself.

We Are All Enemies of the State

Who loves Will Smith and Gene Hackman?  I sure know I do, and when you put those two kooky fellows together you get a thrill ride of an adventure.  Oh wait, sorry, "Enemy of the State" was released years ago, so you all already know that.

Well then, moving on to my point I suppose.  We all know what happened in the movie.  The Government was testing a tracking system using satelite surveilance and tapping into all kinds of different security cameras and phone taps and bla bla bla.  Ultimately Will and Gene win by fooling the government and Will gets to bang his mad hot wife for the rest ofhis live and make more cute black babies to live in the Washington DC area.  Thank goodness it's only a movie.

Well it used to be just a movie.  Soon to be famed author JDM clued us all in last week to what Google Maps is doing, showing pictures of your house in the directions.  I'm not going to tell you what he has to say, so you'll have to go read it yourself.

These pictures that they are showing of your house is from a bird's eye view.  They are stock shots, and the only reason I know that is because the trees are all alive by my house (right now they are still a shade of grey that you would find on Skeletor's armor).  Point being here though is they had to somehow take a picture of every house in America to be able to give directions like this. 

I'm fairly confident in saying that they didn't fly aircraft and take tons of pictures that got developed at Wal-Mart and I'm pretty sure they didn't find the Tooth Fairy and mandate that she log her route via camcorder.  No these images are taken through satelite observation.

Great, now an independent company has global satelite rights to be able to take pictures of anything they want to.  Now I have a hard time believing that Google has made enough money to be able to afford a fleet of satelites which makes me wonder, what is the government doing?

Now I know, if you don't have anything to hide you have nothing to worry about.  Whoopie.  I don't want to be skinnydipping with my wife and have Uncle Sam along for the swim.  I'll have 15 foot fences and no kids so no one will be able to see me, right?  RIGHT!

I don't want my privacy invaded just because someone thinks something somewhere might have the possibility of happening.

NBA Age Limit?

David Stern has brought public an idea to raise the age limit in the NBA to 20 years old. This is a tough one for me. On one hand, I love the idea that it would make the NBA game better as well as the college game. On the same hand though, how can you tell people that once were able to enter the draft that now they cannot?

This isn't like the NFL. The NFL has always had the age restriction on entry into their draft. I won't listen to the idea that the NFL has to drop their age restriction simply because it is already there. However, I cannot see a scenario where I can allow the NBA to raise up an age restriction.

There are a lot of interesting tangibles that come into play. Some of the NBA's biggest stars & best players came straight out of high school. Obviously LeBron is the first to come to mind along with Kobe. Kevin Garnett also came straight from 12th grade as did Jermaine O'neal, T-Mac, Amare Soudamire & Rashard Lewis. Still, of the 37 high schoolers that declared for the NBA draft (nine of which went completely undrafted) how many of them are the stars that they were supposed to be? Maybe the better question is how many of them could have become true stars if they had spent some time in the college game? Look at Eddie Curry. He came right out of high school in the 2001 NBA draft.  He was a below average player for his size & did not start to make a real contribution to the Bulls until this season. Even at that, coach Scotty Skiles thinks that he needs more work on his fundamentals. He is still at least two years (in my humble opinion) from reaching his potential. Why could these years not be spent in college where he might even have gotten himself an education to go with his basketball talents? Even Jermaine O'neal, one of the league's brightest stars, did not average over five points per game until his fifth season!

So yes, some of the biggest stars in the league today are kids that came right out of high school but at what price to the product until they finally mature & reach their potential? And, how badly has it hurt the college game knowing that some of the best players coming out of high school will never even grace the hardwood of division one basketball!? For every LeBron or Kobe, there are five Korleone Youngs. Even worse, there might be several more Leon Smiths (same article) that we never hear about.

Some people ask why the NBA can't raise the age limit when firms & companies all over the world are allowed to list four years of college as a pre-requisit to get a job? The fact is though, even if you lack the four years that they want, you can still APPLY for that job. It is then up to the company to decide whether or not they are going to hire you. No company can make a policy against people submitting an application. So, in the NBA, it would be like saying LeBron & Kobe could have entered the NBA draft, but nobody would have drafted them because they don't fit the pre-requisits. They still had to be allowed to enter the draft which is the NBA equivilent to an application.

I may not be able to get behind the NBA raising the age limit but something needs to be done. One thing I will absolutely NOT pay any credence to is Jermaine O'neals assertion that there are racial overtones in this decision. Sorry youngen, race has nothing to do with it. But O'neal (and many others for that matter) ask questions about why it is ok for baseball & hockey players to be drafted as high schoolers. They also ask why it is ok for high schoolers (and younger) to play golf or tennis. Let us first address the latter. In golf and tennis, you are out for yourself & only yourself. There is no team in either of those individual sports. You are your own enterprise. You don't get to make huge money or get huge endorsements unless you are a successful player (or super hot like that one Russian tennis chick).

So, in that instance, you are out for yourself. You don't get the money up front, you have to earn it by playing in tournaments or earning sponsorships. It does not hurt the game because in the end, only the best players are going to be the ones featured when they are playing well. If Jimmy Jones comes outta Lake Shore High School and is touted as the next big thing and gets drafted by the L.A. Lakers, even if he sucks, he is going to be on television a bunch & take a spot away from a proven veteran.

As for baseball & hockey, well, that is pretty simple really. Both of those sports have a minor league system. Tons of kids are drafted to play both sports right out of high school but how many of them do you end up seeing in the MLB or the NHL? The answer is not very many. They are drafted & then they go to the minors where they refine their talents, adjust to the pro level of their respective games &, when they are finally ready to come up and play in the show, they do. If they falter in the show, they get sent back down to the minors. In the NBA, there is no minor league system. So your choices are essentially cake or death if I might be so bold as to use an Eddie Izzardism. You either latch on to an NBA team & make big jack or you end up on the street without a pot to piss in. And oh, by the way, you also forfeit your chance to get a free education based on your athletic talent if you fail to stick in the NBA.

Instead of raising the age limit, maybe the NBA should work out a deal with the CBA or USBA. Perhaps they could set up a system similar to the one that NFL Europe & the real NFL have. Something certainly has to be done. Unfortunately for the NBA, I have a hard time believing that they are going to get the Player's Union to sign off on a new collective bargaining agreement that will allow them to raise their age limit to 20. Even if they do, they will likely end up spending more money in court battles with angry parents who are mad that their son (aka the "NEXT lebron") is not being allowed to live out his dream than they would waiting for these kids to start playing up to their potential.

Bullshit T.O. you ARE selfish

Few things in this world make me more disgusted than when an athlete, particularly one that makes a seven digit salary each year, complains that he is underpaid. I will tell you one thing that DOES make me more disgusted though: when one of these whiny, pampered, pre-madonna little bitches tries to say that they are not being selfish when they claim to be underpaid! Terell Owens, there are words that I want to use to describe you right now that I just cannot bring myself to print on the information super highway.

Let's break down to simple terms what you are really saying. You are really saying that SEVEN MILLION dollars per year is too little. You play 16 games in the season. Seven million divided by 16 comes out to $437,500.00! THAT is how much you make PER GAME!! You make more in one quarter than I have in my entire working life! You make enough in one quarter of football to pay off my student loans & those of my fiancee all at once! Yet you are underpaid!? Who the fuck do you think you are you self-centered, ego-manical, greedy, cock-suckin son of a fuckin whore!!?? Get your sorry half broken ass back out on the field & shut your fuckin mouth!

My only hope is that you end up playing against Rodney Harrison at some point next season and he head hunts your ass & leaves your body lying on the turf, barely full of life & points at you laughing! If he does that I can guarentee you this much you smug prick, I will be pointing & laughing right along with him! See T.O. I can look past all the controversies. I accept your celebratory dances as part of what the game is today. Hell, I will even go so far as to say that they are entertaining. I stuck up for you to a lot of people when you were gettin ripped on for doing Ray Lewis' stupid little hip hop jig right in front of him. I was on your side when you came out & said "If you don't want to see me dance, don't let me score!" I have enjoyed watching you play the game since your second year in the league! The Eagles are my second favorite team in the league & there is absolutely no question that you helped them get to the next level!

But all of that in & of itself just wasn't good enough. Being put on a pedastel by arguably the toughest sports fans in the entire United States (I will give them credit for the world when they start lobbin lit flares at people) as the guy who got them over the hump just wasn't good enough. The fact that you make more money in one game of football than my entire immediately family & immediately family of in-laws make in an entire TWO YEAR SPAN just somehow isn't good enough. No, you're underpaid aren't you!? Bullshit you overpriced piece of gutter trash.

And don't give me this fuckin lame ass excuse that all of you greedy pricks use these days. Don't play the "I gotta feed my family" card. I would say at seven mill per, your fuckin family is well fed! At seven mill per, if you were to play for the outrageously skewed average number of years that a person makes it in the NFL (three)  you would STILL bring home 21 million dollars. That is before any signing bonuses, before any endorsement deals & before any other incentives that might be built into your contract. I have enough trouble trying to "feed my family" right now! My family consists of my fiancee, my cat, my snake & myself. That doesn't seem like much to take care of but if I might borrow & paraphrase an old Patrick Ewing classic "Hey, we might buy a lot of food but I EAT a lot of food too." So if you need more than that seven mill to keep your family fed T.O., you might consider asking them to diet.

The sad reality is that whether it is the Eagles that do it or some other team in the league, you are going to get the money that you want. It sucks, it really fuckin does! The fact that you can sit there & look in the mirror & justify to yourself, through all of the ice drippin from your neck, the top shelf threads, the $30,000.00 sun glasses, the $50,000.00 studs in your ears that you are still underpaid when I have enough trouble payin the rent in my one bedroom apartment every month is enough to make me wanna put my life on hold & destroy everything you have ever worked for by running your leg over with a car nine or ten times. Still, in the end, you are the one who will get over, you are the one who will be loved by whatever fans you end up playing in front of & sadly, within the next year, everyone will have forgotten what a selfish, no good, low-down, filthy, rotten, disgusting, wormy, dickless piece of snake shit that you really are. Maybe others will T.O. but not me. Not me, not ever! I will never buy a piece of your merchandise, I will never give you credit for making a great play (even when you do), I will never stand up and cheer you, EVER! Even if you bring a Lombardi trophy to the Eagles, hell, even if you get picked up by my beloved Bills & score every single touchdown for the team and are solely responsible for finally bringing a super bowl here to Buffalo, I will not cheer for you. Even if you were able to give the Eagles the superbowl in 2005 & then the Bills a superbowl in 2006, you can still kiss my balls. If there ever were justice in this world, you would end up re-breaking your ankle & never be able to set foot on the field again. Unfortunately, that is not how things will work out. And seeing as how you won't play New England in the regular season if you stay with the Eagles, I guess that means that I will have to hope that on Sunday October 30, I am able to sit down in front of the TV at 4:15 EST & watch John Lynch rip your head off of your body & piss down your neck! Oh if only dreams came true.

What's the Big Deal!?

Yesterday the Boston Red Sox got their 2004 World Series rings at Fenway Park right before their game with the Yankees. The ceremony was really nice. The team included countless Red Sox from years past in the celebration. They even got John Pesky a ring of his own! Add to that the fact that they then went out & dominated their arch-rivals and it made for what should have been celebrated as a wonderful day not just for Boston, but for Major League Baseball given the back drop of the Red Sox drought prior to last season. Yet, as I turn on the television, all I hear is everyone bitching about Derek Lowe & Dave Roberts having worn their old jerseys for the ceremony. Am I missing something?

John Kruk & Harold Reynolds claim that they have a problem with it because "we're from the old school way of thinking" as Kruk put it. What the hell does that have to do with anything? It isn't as though these guys played that day's game with the Red Sox. It isn't as if they escaped their teams in secret & showed up in a shady cat & mouse game. They both got permission from their respective teams to leave their daily functions (for Lowe of the Dodgers & Roberts of the Padres) and attend the ring ceremony in Boston. They damn well deserved to be there too! Derek Lowe was the winning pitcher in all three elimination games (And my vote for Playoff MVP) & Dave Roberts stole maybe the most pivotal base in baseball history. So why is it such an issue if they donned their old jersey for the ceremony? They did it for the fans, they did it for the guys that they called teammates during such a magical time & they did it to regain that connection to the glory for one more shining moment. In my opinion, they did not disgrace their current teams, they did not do any damage to anyone & they did not do anything wrong. All you old school baseball freaks need to relax a little bit on this one. Every last one of you is making much ado about nothing!