Few things in this world make me more disgusted than when an athlete, particularly one that makes a seven digit salary each year, complains that he is underpaid. I will tell you one thing that DOES make me more disgusted though: when one of these whiny, pampered, pre-madonna little bitches tries to say that they are not being selfish when they claim to be underpaid! Terell Owens, there are words that I want to use to describe you right now that I just cannot bring myself to print on the information super highway.
Let's break down to simple terms what you are really saying. You are really saying that SEVEN MILLION dollars per year is too little. You play 16 games in the season. Seven million divided by 16 comes out to $437,500.00! THAT is how much you make PER GAME!! You make more in one quarter than I have in my entire working life! You make enough in one quarter of football to pay off my student loans & those of my fiancee all at once! Yet you are underpaid!? Who the fuck do you think you are you self-centered, ego-manical, greedy, cock-suckin son of a fuckin whore!!?? Get your sorry half broken ass back out on the field & shut your fuckin mouth!
My only hope is that you end up playing against Rodney Harrison at some point next season and he head hunts your ass & leaves your body lying on the turf, barely full of life & points at you laughing! If he does that I can guarentee you this much you smug prick, I will be pointing & laughing right along with him! See T.O. I can look past all the controversies. I accept your celebratory dances as part of what the game is today. Hell, I will even go so far as to say that they are entertaining. I stuck up for you to a lot of people when you were gettin ripped on for doing Ray Lewis' stupid little hip hop jig right in front of him. I was on your side when you came out & said "If you don't want to see me dance, don't let me score!" I have enjoyed watching you play the game since your second year in the league! The Eagles are my second favorite team in the league & there is absolutely no question that you helped them get to the next level!
But all of that in & of itself just wasn't good enough. Being put on a pedastel by arguably the toughest sports fans in the entire United States (I will give them credit for the world when they start lobbin lit flares at people) as the guy who got them over the hump just wasn't good enough. The fact that you make more money in one game of football than my entire immediately family & immediately family of in-laws make in an entire TWO YEAR SPAN just somehow isn't good enough. No, you're underpaid aren't you!? Bullshit you overpriced piece of gutter trash.
And don't give me this fuckin lame ass excuse that all of you greedy pricks use these days. Don't play the "I gotta feed my family" card. I would say at seven mill per, your fuckin family is well fed! At seven mill per, if you were to play for the outrageously skewed average number of years that a person makes it in the NFL (three) you would STILL bring home 21 million dollars. That is before any signing bonuses, before any endorsement deals & before any other incentives that might be built into your contract. I have enough trouble trying to "feed my family" right now! My family consists of my fiancee, my cat, my snake & myself. That doesn't seem like much to take care of but if I might borrow & paraphrase an old Patrick Ewing classic "Hey, we might buy a lot of food but I EAT a lot of food too." So if you need more than that seven mill to keep your family fed T.O., you might consider asking them to diet.
The sad reality is that whether it is the Eagles that do it or some other team in the league, you are going to get the money that you want. It sucks, it really fuckin does! The fact that you can sit there & look in the mirror & justify to yourself, through all of the ice drippin from your neck, the top shelf threads, the $30,000.00 sun glasses, the $50,000.00 studs in your ears that you are still underpaid when I have enough trouble payin the rent in my one bedroom apartment every month is enough to make me wanna put my life on hold & destroy everything you have ever worked for by running your leg over with a car nine or ten times. Still, in the end, you are the one who will get over, you are the one who will be loved by whatever fans you end up playing in front of & sadly, within the next year, everyone will have forgotten what a selfish, no good, low-down, filthy, rotten, disgusting, wormy, dickless piece of snake shit that you really are. Maybe others will T.O. but not me. Not me, not ever! I will never buy a piece of your merchandise, I will never give you credit for making a great play (even when you do), I will never stand up and cheer you, EVER! Even if you bring a Lombardi trophy to the Eagles, hell, even if you get picked up by my beloved Bills & score every single touchdown for the team and are solely responsible for finally bringing a super bowl here to Buffalo, I will not cheer for you. Even if you were able to give the Eagles the superbowl in 2005 & then the Bills a superbowl in 2006, you can still kiss my balls. If there ever were justice in this world, you would end up re-breaking your ankle & never be able to set foot on the field again. Unfortunately, that is not how things will work out. And seeing as how you won't play New England in the regular season if you stay with the Eagles, I guess that means that I will have to hope that on Sunday October 30, I am able to sit down in front of the TV at 4:15 EST & watch John Lynch rip your head off of your body & piss down your neck! Oh if only dreams came true.
Yeah really.
Posted by: Phil | April 19, 2005 at 01:03 PM
NO WAY BUTTHEAD, I'M SERIOUS!! I WANNA FIND T.O. & KICK HIM IN THE NADS!
Posted by: Eddie Zyglis | April 19, 2005 at 01:13 PM
Unfortunately, while it may seem unfair, the ways of the market will dictate that T.O. and others are perfectly entitled to earn whatever someone is willing to pay them. This is hard for folks like you and me to swallow, since we earn a pocketful of change and some pieces of string next to people like him. My problem with T.O. is that he's gone about this so foolishly and allowed a simple financial request -- which he ought not have been granted, I might add -- into a PR stunt. And a crappy PR stunt, at that. You want to talk about earning potential? T.O. has now squandered his.
Posted by: JDM | April 19, 2005 at 06:04 PM
Yes the market will bear...but then again we are talking about whether the market is populated with rational or irrational investors...
At some point this could all come to bear upon itself a la the NHL.
Posted by: Phil | April 22, 2005 at 11:59 AM